2008 Woodie Awards
Splitting up without an achy breaky heart
Victoria Brady - STAFF WRITER
Issue date: 10/3/08 Section: Features
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There may be certain rules to breaking up with a person, according to Relationship Correspondent Matthew Lynch. One is not to delay, but to get it over with if the end is already in sight. Prolonging a dying relationship is only going to create bad feelings and memories.
The second rule to break ups is to break up with them in person.
"This breakup law is important because breaking up in person shows you, at the very least, have respect for [his or] her feelings, which makes for good closure on [his or] her part," Lynch said.
When breaking up in person, graphic design junior Ben Goff suggests a getaway route. "Make sure they're in some sort of situation where they can get away from you if they want to because most likely they'll want to. Nobody likes to be trapped in that awkward moment with someone," he said.
Unfortunately, some don't grasp the concept of a respectful break-up. People could think the best way to say goodbye to your sweetie is through the easy but oh-so-tacky text message. Goff had a horrible experience with this when his ex girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend of 13 years and he found out in a text message.
This also brings up how crushing it must be to learn that your significant other chose someone else over you. Goff learned from his experience.
"The best way to break up with someone is to tell them in person before you do anything with someone else," he said.
Among the preventative rules, Lynch also touches on the typical "It's not you, it's me."
Lynch said, "Whatever you do, don't say, "It's not you, it's me" if you don't really mean it. Be honest and communicate some of the reasons the relationship is no longer working for you."
Nursing sophomore Lindsey Meier seems to have the same idea.
"Talk with them. Be straightforward. People change in relationships and I think just explaining how you're feeling and being honest that things are not going to work is the best way," she said.
Journalist Bonny Albo elaborates on some more pointers.
"After a break up, don't remain 'just friends'." This will only drag out the situation and very rarely works," she said.
She also explains after a break up, you should keep taking care of yourself. This person was not your entire life and you can be happy without them and live your life.
Even writing a breakup letter is a plausible solution, though this opens up many new specifications including precision, short length and definite closure.
Author Thomas Moore says, "Don't forget ending is not a nice thing. Own up to the shadow aspects of this important job. Be prepared to be the 'bad guy' and discover there can be joy in that role."
"You don't have to give reasons," said Moore. "You know that the reason is that you don't love this person now. Don't be led into the tangle and trap of looking for valid reasons. Love is not a reasonable thing."
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